On Perspective
30 April 2006 - 21:55.
I was going down the highway on the new bike today, and I was amazed at how slow I seemed to be going. A quick glance at the needle showed 120 clicks, and it seriously felt like only about 80. This got me started thinking about how things are sometimes tinted by what we're feeling.
If a good thing happens when we're feeling bad, do we see it as a good thing? Or conversely, does a bad thing affect us as much if we're in a fantabulous mood when it happens. How seriously will sadness change the way we interpret what peoeple say to us, and the things they do?
Obviously if you're smiling the whole world smiles with you (as the song goes), but what if (for whatever reason) you can't smile right then? Does the world pout with you? Do they cry with you? Or do they just ignore you, and pretend you're not there?
Drunk Blog
28 April 2006 - 22:02.
Yep... it's time to join the masses of those who have decided to share with the world that they are inebriated. As I am tonight. What a phenomenal day!! I have a new motorbike today (pics to come soon), I've been on my first date in many many moons, and I've spent time with people that matter to me. I feel the passion again, not for anyone in particular, but just for life in general. I see the beauty in the small things. I was out on my balcony tonight, and the view was gorgeous. Not as good as the one I've attached here (after the jump), but pretty damn close.
La vita e bella.
But wait! There's more!
Things I've Learned
27 April 2006 - 10:59.
I feel lately that I'm just about done with the whole grieving process, and I feel a lot better about things in general and myself in particular. It's been an interesting past 2 months, that's for sure. As I've mentioned, I've spent a lot of time looking inside and now I believe that I've managed to properly repack all my baggage to accommodate the new items I've picked up. I'm just finishing the process of stowing it all neatly in the overhead compartments.
Whenever something goes awry in my life though, I try to learn from what's happened, so I can make myself a better and stronger person. It's not always the most pleasant experience, but I'm of the opinion that if you want to continue growing, you have to do your best to be honest with yourself. So I was. I found some things I wasn't completely happy with, but at least this means that I have some self-development projects I can work on.
- There can be 'too much of a good thing'. It was suggested to me at one point that sometimes couples need a chance to miss one another. I agreed then, and I do now. But I need to do a better job of exercising this.
- Given the above, I can sometimes be perceived as being needy or clingy. I don't feel that I am, but that's not the point. It's the perception that matters when you're dealing with another person's feelings as well.
- I need to do a more effective job of keeping my own emotions in check sometimes. I'm a Pisces, and so tend to be more emotional than most. Coupled with my own natural intensity, this can be overwhelming to some. It's okay to feel it, but I need to consider tempering the sharing of it.
- I need to try to control the depth I'll allow my emotions to run to. See above.
- Intensity in general is sometimes a problem for me. I've been described as having a 'Large' personality. A bit more humility would be good, as well as some moderation in how I present myself to others. I like the shock value, but it doesn't always have to be there.
- Carpe Diem. Never forget this.
There have been other revelations as well, but I'm not prepared to go into them in this medium. Mind you, it's not like this isn't enough. So these are what I'll be working on over the next few months. For those of you will be in a position to gauge the effectiveness of my efforts (you know who you are) I'd appreciate some feedback, to let me know how you think I'm doing. Thanks.
On Nature
24 April 2006 - 22:49.
I've spent a lot of time these past months looking inside... deep inside. And I'm returning to the inner peace I once had. I'm noticing a lot more of the little things again - the small pieces of nature that so many take for granted, or just don't notice. I was riding my motorbike along Pacific the other day, and I was momentarily caught by the waves on English Bay. As I went to visit my grandparents yesterday, I saw a hawk playing on the wind currents over the farmer fields... not hunting or anything, just playing. I could see the way it would seemingly dance on the gusts, falling, turning, climbing. It was breathtaking.
But wait! There's more!
Hi, My Name Is...
23 April 2006 - 18:40.
Hi. My name is Jeremy, and I'm an adrenaline junkie.
Today was the annual classic motorcycle show out in Tsawwassen, so of course I took my CB400 out for a spin. Now, you have to understand that this bike does NOT have tires that are designed to be leaning over too hard - the sidewall is quite slim, and there's an actual tread, more like what you'd find on a dirt bike. Not quite as knobby, but definitely there.
So when you're changing highways, at highway speed, the bike (I discovered) has a bit of a wobble to it. And of course being only 400cc it's not as heavy as the Ninja and consequently the bike doesn't track as well through the corners. This all adds up to some serious shots from the adrenal glands... when you're doing 70 MPH and the bike feels like it's starting to slue and slide out from under you. Then when it did the same thing on the second interchange, I realized it was normal. So I started pushing it, and gave myself some good little jolts.
What a russssssssssssssssssssshhhhh.
I'm Done
21 April 2006 - 17:45.
The cycle quest is over... I just bought a new bike. It's a 2001 Yamaha YZF600R, which means it's essentially a pure-sport bike, slightly geared down (but not much - believe me) with a really comfy seat. I'll be picking it up sometime in the next week.
Unfortunately this also means I'm
selling my 1992 Ninja, she of the car-alarm-triggering exhaust pipe. Ahh, how I'll miss riding down the road and hearing the sirens go off as I pass. So if you know anyone who may be looking for a bike, point them in my direction.
I hate...
18 April 2006 - 23:44.
LA. I know at least one person who reads here that loves the city, and to them I apologize. But I went, I saw, and I disliked. I saw more obvious boob jobs today alone than I have in the past 6 months here. It was warm, it was bright, and I hope to the Gods that I don't have to go back.
I was never so glad as when I saw this sight on my way out this afternoon... the famous arch between the terminals at LAX. Did you know there's a restaurant in there? I'm told it's actually pretty good.
Sanity Check
17 April 2006 - 11:51.
Things are going well for me lately in the mental health department. I feel stronger every day, and the future's so bright I gotta wear shades. I've been reading the Tao Te Ching lately, and I'm finding it helps me to acheive the inner peace. The drive and motivation are back. The humour and brattiness are back with a vengeance.
I'm still doing some introspection, and examining my own inner workings to try to glean a greater understanding of everything that has gone on in the past 2.5 months. I'll have plenty of time for that later today as I spend a few hours on a plane on my way to Los Angeles. I've already come to some conclusions about things I need to change within myself, and I will undoubtedly come up with a few more. But that's for another time in another post.
Various Sundries
16 April 2006 - 00:47.
It's been a good weekend so far.
I spent most of today on the Cycle Quest, but with only limited success. I found a bike I like, but they won't take my Ninja in trade because it has rebuilt status. Bastards. I understand it, but they're still bastards.
I've been corresponding with a good friend, and I think we're going to be taking some cooking classes. Now, I know how to cook, and I've been told I'm pretty damn good at it however I'd like to get some new ideas. So if any of my dear readers are feeling adventurous and would care to join me in a class or two, check out the
Cookshop calendar (best viewed in IE due to lazy coders) and drop me a note if you see something that piques your interest.
My back is almost 100% again (finally!!) which means I'll be starting up with exercise again, as soon as I get back from Los Angeles. One more week till I can start rowing again......
I love....
12 April 2006 - 10:52.
My friends... they're a small gorup, but they're really good to me.
I find myself in Seattle again, much to my dismay. At least the consolation prize is that I'm not here for long. Came down yesterday, and home again tomorrow. While I'm here, my friend J is staying at my place and looking after the girls for me - she needs the break, since her current living situation is tenuous at best. And last night I was out for dinner with Mags at a great Malaysian place called the Mandalay Cafe. Talking to Mags is often cathartic for me since she's a) one of the most realistic and down to earth people I know, and b) she's also one of the smartest, and she isn't afraid to challenge me on things I say. Talking to her helped me realize that I'm a lot healthier in the head than I thought I was - not as a comparative thing, but just in its' own right.
I'm finding the balance again. And in a week or two I should be good to start rowing again, and that'll be my piece-de-resistance... I can't begin to explain how much I'm looking forward to that moment of pure Zen.
Retuning Home
08 April 2006 - 19:13.
My good friend J. is back from Thailand... we went out for sushi last night, and talked a whole bunch. She's really good at offering perspective, and she knows me very well. Talking with her is always very cathartic. She made some good points, and helped me come to some decisions that needed to be made.
I also went to a club with some folks from work to celebrate a birthday... the night was a lot of fun, even if the DJ really sucked. No consistency whatsoever. Tonight finds me at home on purpose, having a quiet evening since I need to be up at 5 tomorrow for work. Ugh.
The Real Story
06 April 2006 - 13:21.
Not that I have a problem with it, but there are a lot of ESL students in Vancouver. Wanna know why? Here's my take on it, after the jump...
But wait! There's more!
Meanderings
06 April 2006 - 07:24.
Remember how I said a few days ago that 72 hours had made a big difference for me? The same time frame can also work the other way. Lately either I've been not feeling at all - more like an automaton - or I've been feeling down. There have been moments of brightness, but the general trend is a flat-line right now. I need to figure out how to get out of this blase headspace. I feel like the apathy poster child.
I can't exercise yet to help myself out. My back is still somewhat out of whack, and my range of motion is still lacking. So endorphin therapy is out of the question.
I've figured out what I'm looking for in a motorbike, which is the firt step. Definately a 600cc sportbike-styled or sportbike. For example, the YZF600R, which is a quick ride, but isn't a pure race replica. I was out on the blue beastie again this week, and it's most certainly time to upgrade.
I have to go to Seattle next week again, fortunately for only 3 days. Time to bury myself in work again. Maybe that'll help a bit.
I Feel The Need
02 April 2006 - 19:49.
Okay, I know Top Gun is a pretty cheesy movie. Sure, it helped make Tom Cruise a star and it had lots of fighter jets and shit, but there are few lines in that movie that stick out. One is 'I feel the need... the need, for speed'.
I feel it. I'm with you boys. I need it too.
Thus begins cycle-quest. Yep, I'm going to trade in my blue Ninja for something newer, although not bigger - I like the 600cc class. But when I rode to Tsawwassen today, I felt a decided lack of power from the bike when I was trying to save my own life from the maniacal machinations of a BMW driver. And although I stayed away from harm, it had more to do with some aggressive lane changes than it had to do with linear motion (read: acceleration on demand).
So I'm going to see about buying me some new wheels
Better Days
01 April 2006 - 19:09.
It's been a busy few days for me, and just what the doctor ordered. The change of focus has done wonders for me, and I'm feeling even stronger still.
Thursday I went to see 'V for Vendetta'. This one is done by the Wachowski Brothers, the same guys who did The Matrix. I could have done without the schmaltzy love scene near the end, and the Matrix-esque bullet-time effects added to some knife work. Apart from that I thought it was a great movie. Last night was a trip to a bar where a friend's band was playing. I got to see a bunch off folks I rarely see - not all of them 'friends' per se, but folks I've known for years, and I enjoyed catching up with them. The band was really good too - the better of the 3 I saw. Tonight is a house party, which is something I'm really looking forward to.
All this activity and socializing has done a world of good to my mood. The change 72 hours can make is absolutely phenomenal.